Blistered Hands

my blistered hands
have forgotten what it felt like to
reach for something that isn't
running in the opposite direction

forgive me if i doubt your love
for i have never held something
that didn't slip through my fingers
whenever i looked away

every time i wake with
a kiss on my cheek and
my heart safely in your hands

you are giving me
a break from
reaching because
you are
always
right here

Square into a Circle

I fit into your world like a
square into a circle
and my edges are far too
sharp to go in easy.

Your life is fighting us
and you try to stay on my
side of the court,
but maybe its the
wrong side
and it’s not too late to
switch teams.

My white flag
is in my back pocket
and I will wave it
if you want me to.

Giving up is not in my nature,
but hurting you
goes against every
piece of me

and I get lost in your
eyes every time you
look at me.

This wasn’t supposed to be
this hard,
but my heart is
tangled in yours
like headphones we left in our book bag.

I will fight
with you
as long as you will let me,
but please let me know if
this gets too exhausting.

Giving up is not in my nature,
but hurting you
goes against every
piece of me.

Fireflies

Fireflies strobe through the streets
attracting seven year olds, convinced
their mothers will let them keep their
new captures, wishing to
replace their nightlights.

Like fireflies,
you appear as night
finds its strength,
your light radiating
and I reach out to
hold it between my
fingers, wishing to
replace my nightlight.

But,

like fireflies,
I cannot keep you in a
mason jar beside my bed.
Instead, I pray for you to
climb in next to me when
the night is much stronger
than I and the wind howls
at the full moon, sending
shivers down my shaken spine
with every slow tick of the clock.

Your light disappears into the
spaces between my fingers and
I long for your touch,

wishing

to see you again tomorrow.

 

But, However, Not Enough

Every “I love you”
punctuated with
“but,”
“however,”
“not enough”
and the earth trembles
beneath my feet
and I don’t even know
what
to do,
where
to stand.

I search for
crumbs under your table
because you’re eating
with him
instead.

I reread text messages
because you are
with him
instead.

I kiss you
knowing tomorrow
he will
kiss you
instead.

I dream of you
and wake knowing
you dream
of him
instead.

He has time on his side,
but now all your time is
spent
with me,
thinking
of me,
in love
with me.

Every “I love you”
punctuated with
“but,”
“however,”
“not enough”
and I don’t even know
what
I’m doing,
where
I’m standing.

I don’t even know
if
I am
standing
because my face keeps
hitting the ground
but I don’t even notice
the blood.

Every “I love you”
punctuated with
“but,”
“however,”
“not enough”
and I don’t even know
if you
mean it.

You say you love me
and I feel your
lips against mine,
curling into a smile as
you pull me closer and
I don’t ever
want it to end.

You say you love me
and reach for your phone because
his name
popped up again
and can you really love me

if

you can

still be

with

him?